Riding Out the Storm
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I have been feeling the pressure to share some “tools” with y’all.
I see other therapists, wellness advocates, yoga teachers, and the like all offering so many services to cater to our anxiety and stress right now — which immediately made me feel like I should too.
Do I launch a program? Upload some extra classes or meditations? Get on IG Live and talk about how to handle this?
None of these felt right, to be honest. Not because I don’t resonate with those things, but because I was dealing with what is happening in the world right now myself. I needed time to integrate. And, to be honest, I wasn’t quite yet in the headspace to be creative or even productive. I needed time on my couch, some bad TV, quality talks with my husband, friends, and family, and lots of sleep.
Today felt like the first day I wanted to share. But I wanted to share in the way that felt MINE. And that was through my writing, and after a week or so of reflection.
Here’s what I’ve learned in the first week of dealing with the COVID-19 epidemic, which was also my first week of helping my clients through the chaos — along with some ideas on how to help navigate the fear.
EVERYONE IS SCARED. No one is exempt from this, not even the people who seem to be super productive or super chill. We are all collectively scared because not-knowing is a breeding ground for fear within every human. So when you see others looking like they’re “handling this so well” also remember that…
EVERYONE HANDLES FEAR DIFFERENTLY. Some of us handle it by laughing at coronavirus memes. Some of us need to cry three times a day. Some of us need to go outside or drink some wine or call our moms. Some of us go on a manic cleaning spree and wipe down the entire house with Clorox (guilty as charged). Let yourself off the hook — if just for now — on what the “right” way to handle this is.
In other words, BE EASY ON YOURSELF. You may have a day where you do three online workouts, clean out your pantry, read twelve chapters of a book, and cook a three-course meal. You may also have a day where you literally only leave your couch to pee and eat. Both are perfectly valid.
WE TRULY ARE IN THIS TOGETHER. Although we may be socially isolated, I’ve never experienced any other situation that has made me feel like the human race is truly so deeply connected. The love that is pouring forth, the collective fear that is being felt and tended to, and the compassion that is being demonstrated has shown me — more than anything else — that we truly are each other’s brothers and sisters.
IT’S OKAY TO ENJOY THE REST. Yes, it’s under terrible circumstances, but you feeling guilty that you get paid leave from work or extra couch time doesn’t change what is going on. Collectively, we are being given a chance to slow down — and so many of us were in desperate need of that. So, it’s okay to soak it in and feel a bit of relief from the hustle.
FIND CONNECTION HOW YOU CAN. Check in with your loved ones, text friends, FaceTime your grandparents, call your friends who live alone. Social distancing does not have to equal isolation. We need the support of our people more than ever, especially if you’re riding this storm out by yourself.
MOVE YOUR BODY. The best way to shift your energy is to do something that moves it through physically. Feeling depressed and sluggish? Put on a good playlist and dance. Feeling anxious or restless? Stream a restorative yoga class. Feel angry or confused? Scream into a pillow or punch your mattress. Physically moving the emotion through actually helps it dissipate. Not taking action and marinating in your anxious thoughts does the opposite.
REMEMBER TO BREATHE. This seems obvious, but focused breathwork is one of the most effective ways to calm an anxious nervous system. Here are two of the simplest ways to do this:
BOX BREATHING: Inhale for a count of 4 seconds, hold it in for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and then hold out for 4 seconds. Repeat ten times. Increase or decrease the amount as needed.
4-7-8 BREATHING: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8. Repeat ten times.
KEEP SOME NORMALCY IN YOUR ROUTINE. Sure, sleep in or stay up a little later, but don’t disrupt your usual routine too much. Keep making your coffee, take lunch breaks away from the computer, keep exercising, keep watching that show you started or working on that project you have going on. Keeping a sense of normalcy in your day will help you feel a bit more in control, and keep your mind from spiraling into worst-case scenarios.
BE COMPASSIONATE WITH YOURSELF. Don’t try to push away the feelings of anger, confusion, fear, or stress. Instead, acknowledge them with gentle compassion. When you feel them arise, put a hand over your heart (or wherever you hold stress) and say out loud in a gentle voice, “What I am feeling is normal and okay, and it will pass soon. I am here for you. I love you.” This combined with breathwork can help shift your energy to a calmer state, without having to deny anything you are feeling. And if this triggers a need to cry or scream or write, let yourself.
We are all riding this storm out together, and absolutely no one has the recipe on how to do it “right.” The thing I catch myself saying most these days to my clients (and myself) is that the unknown is scary, and you have every right to feel this way. But know that there are millions of humans feeling the same. Which means, you aren’t alone — and we will get through this together. Human beings always have.
I hope some of the things above will help your heart find some peace, and I am wishing you safety, health, and pockets of normalcy — I can’t wait for all of us to gather in the sunshine again.
And for hugs to be okay again :)
Ferny